i am awake
wide eyed sure
aware here inside
conscious looking
out from knowing
no rose colored glasses
clear unafraid clear
sure here present in this
moment with real wounds
transformed into badges of honor
debts paid in charge of deciding
where the line is and who can
cross over owning my want
suffering anger and hope
memories of wars won wars
lost the cost of all born warrior
no separation from my shield or
the swords that cut both ways
always fit for battle
all battles are not fit
to be fought some are to
be understood others
to fit you for bigger battles
some to bleed you of intention
never bleed without gaining ground
there is no romance is suffering
search not for glory in struggle
the cost of owning want is heavy
as is struggling not to want
choose your battles
I have learned
to see farther down the road than
looking like the distance between hearing
understanding and pushing back
the wind knows when not to blow
when to be a hurricane
when to push the water over
the shore when to fan the fire
I am unseparated from my knowing
collard greens buttermilk cornbread
sweet potato if you lucky
someone else’s land house school city
country dream freedom justice wealth
progress forward manifestation of destiny
poverty smells like fried chicken in
small rooms with windows painted
shut no gardens liquor stores 3 strikes
eviction profiling jail cells
drug addiction too small shoes the
word no and dried blood
I understand the way words flip
flop like dead fish playing possum
while painting reality sometimes
using the N visible crayon
singing colorblind anthems
broadcast onto reality
making it hard to under
stand really real hard to
separate it from the mesmerizing
bitty bopp spit by the system
humming while you dream
working while you pray
eating your shadow until
you are not sure if you
are real anymore
I am here
eyes wide
understanding beyond hearing
like the distance between knowing
& pushing back
I am here
seeing beyond looking
deciding to understand
unafraid to choosing
the path that leads me
closer to home
to remember
to own the want
to
