Diary of a Mad Creative: I create therefore I am. Pt. 13

If it’s good make it better. There is no perfect; it’s just a direction we can walk in.

Excellence. It’s an interesting word that begs the question according to whom to which I answer: Excelling to the degree that what is offered is of high quality and that quality, is apparent to all who partake of the end product or processes to derive that product, that’s my definition of excellence.

I have never sought to be a big fish in a small pond. Maybe I see the pond different. Maybe rather than taking my pearls out into the world to pedal them, I want to bring the world to my front door.

I have seen what comes out of la la and I am no longer smitten. I admit I thought less when I was. I am now a fan of thinking. I am no longer enamoured with things that have little substance and I will not do anything for money. I like being a boss. I like calling my own shots. I have high expectations for myself and those I choose to be in relationship with. I like the ability to be able to control who I will and won’t work with or for. I take great pride in signing my name to my work. La la requires far to much compromise and too little room for excellence.  If I’m going to do it; I’m going to try to do it right. I am an over archiver. I am not in recovery for it. I am good with it.

I used to long for the day when life would slow down. I have gotten used to the burning house. I do this. But ya gotta admit somethings feel the best when they stop.

Sometimes burning houses, (doing Wilson in 30 days), deprive you of the luxury of dwelling in spaces you find pleasant. It’s all movement towards the next mountain. I like dwelling in spaces sometimes. I long sometimes for the time to enjoy the work. I want to enjoy the blessing. I want to savor it. I want the time to be fully in my life, doing it, enjoying it, being thankful and moving forward.

So I love today when I can be with craft in a relaxed manner. No outside work, no appointments, no deadlines, no imminent crisis, just me and Mr. Wilson, alone. together.

I love being able to be home. I love the thought of a hot dinner. (NO PIZZA, NO CHINESE, NO TAKE OUT). God, how I love the wonder of a self ordered day.  How I love not neglecting me. Me and my script, tightening, affirming, hanging out, discovering… this is wickedly, like too much chocolate or gumbo good.

Sorry the thoughts aren’t more orderly or poetic today. I feel lazy. Today I’m just an actress with her script and some free time.

About Ayodele Nzinga, MFA, PhD

I create; therefore I am.
This entry was posted in Craft, journal, Life., Performing Arts, Theater and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Diary of a Mad Creative: I create therefore I am. Pt. 13

  1. Pingback: Seven of One, Five of the Other: Half way through August Wilson’s Century Cycle | A.Nzinga's Blog

Leave a Reply